Get Out Of Your Own Way

I'm absolutely obsessed with this song by Rachel Platten called "Nothing Ever Happens." The lyrics that impact me the most are in the chorus it says, "Nothing ever happens if you stay in your room. Nothing ever happens if you leave the party too soon. Never be a winner if you're not in the game.  And nothing ever happens if you always play it safe.  Make a little space and get out of your own way." She is just so bubbly and positive check out the music video here.

This song started making me realize that I'm in my own way of being happy, and finding what makes me happy.  I think that so many of us do that, we are our own worst critics.  Often we become obsessed with regret and things we can't leave in the past.  Often we are so comfortable where we are that we think that it's just going to go downhill from there.  I think we also are so scared of taking risks, or of change, that we choose to not progress.

So today I'm just going to list everything I'm keeping in my way, which many are really personal, but I don't think anyone follows this blog anyway so here goes at least maybe helping me get out of my own way. But hopefully helping you!

1. I have an intense fear of failure. I feel that if I back out early I don't have to worry about failing, and I can dwell on thought that if I had continued I would have been awesome.  I did this with not being on drill team my senior year, when I was on it my sophomore and junior year. Because I knew so many sophomores were so much better than me. Another Is in committing to a major, I have started over four majors without committing, because I don't know that in the end I won't suck at it and will have a hard time getting a job. I didn't commit to doing forensics because I was so scared of failing my math classes and loosing my scholarship. With Performing Arts I was so scared of taking so much time and energy into school, and not being able to go anywhere in the business after school, so many people do not have success having a career in that industry. With Visual Communications i'm worried that my view of beauty and art won't translate right to others.

2. I fear not being prepared for what I need to be in the future. I spend so much time trying to guess ahead and be over prepared, putting a guard around myself to keep me from getting hurt, being the least risky as possible, which does keep me safe.  But it keeps me from really experiencing what is beautiful about life sometimes.

3. I often half do things, or leave them til last minute because then I have an excuse of why it wasn't as perfect as what I wanted it to be in my head.  In my head people think wow this is amazing for last minute. That makes me happy.  I'm so scared of putting my all into something and having it not reach the expectations I want it too. I guess the answer might be lowering my expectations but I refuse to do that because I want to imagine that for once I can create something up to the level of my imagination and intelligence.  That for once I was able to do right by me, and what I think is worthy of my talents. So far I haven't accomplished anything to my full potential, and I'm scared to.  It's similar to TANGLED where Rapunzel is so close to accomplishing her dream that she is scared that it won't be everything she hoped it would be. Luckily for her it was more, and she was able to find a new and better dream. I'm still working on that.

4. I compare myself to others way too much.  Maybe it's a girl thing but it's not healthy. There is this one girl I know that to me is absolutely perfect, she's graceful, her wedding was like perfect to every detail, she's skinny, has a great job, great taste, cooks fabulously is talented. I'm so jealous of her.  To me I think how does she accomplish all of that! I don't understand at all. Does she wake up at five am to do her hair, and have every part of her day planned perfectly.  I don't know but she accomplishes it with a breeze. It drives me crazy because I feel that she's the kind person I want to be, but no matter what I do I'm never going to be as good or graceful or beautiful or talented as she is.  That bothers me, makes me feel that life's not fair, and I'm never going to reach where I want to be. Like I said it's unhealthy and totally is me getting in my own way.

5. I regret so much. I have an obsession with trying to fix things, especially me or problems around me, and when I can't I breakdown. Then those moments become part of the past, as I learn in life I realize what I could have done better to fix it, then I spend so much time going back and picturing fixing it, trying to make it right and better.  Then I get angry with myself for not just doing everything right in the first place and I get depressed and have even greater anxiety about having everything right in the future. I really need to just learn to let things go and move forward, but it's so hard for me.  Especially right now where I have no Idea where I need to go for the future, in a way its like I have nothing to look forward to, and I am so worried about setting goals I can achieve to make something of which to look forward to without screwing it up.

So much of what's in my way comes down to my depression, anxiety and fear of failure and letting people around me down.  Fortunately I am so blessed to have such an amazing husband that helps me wake up everyday and helps me to see the bright side of life.  He is such a positive, loving person, who has amazing vision and dreams and wants me to achieve mine. I just have to figure out what that is.
In order to do that.....

I'M GOING TO GET OUT OF MY OWN WAY

are you?

With LOVE, Bekah

All the Wrong Places

WOW i'm almost a year behind.......again this blog is about my personal musings.  Also since I have a phone with a camera it will start including photos I have taken so mostly all original.

I have been thinking so much about where people meet their soul mate.  I see and hear so many complaints about how dating sucks, and they are never going to meet the right person. I think I've figured out what their mistake is THEY ARE LOOKING IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES.

For example I have a friend that gets in so many relationships with guys that are alcoholics, treat her badly, use her and in the end they have nothing in common other than the fact that she was lonely, and he had nothing to offer.  Where does she pick up these guys, a bar, or clubbing.  HUGE MISTAKE not that i'm saying you can't meet your soul mate at a bar. But If your looking for someone that you can take home to your parents.....bars are not the best places. People there are often just looking for a night of fun, not long term commitment.  My advice to all my lovely friends is to go to places that make your soul happy and look for love their.

In fact don't look, so many people waste time looking, that they do not see exactly what is in front of them. I have so many friends that are fantastic girls, but guys look them over because they have some type of physical traits they are looking for. I think that's awful because true love is not skin deep, it never will be. To guys and girls THE IMAGE IN YOUR HEAD OF WHAT SOMETHING IS SUPPOSED TO BE WILL ALWAYS MESS YOU UP. It's always wrong, and it keeps you from keeping your mind open to all the possibilities around you. It's sad that so many learn that the hard way. Everyone knows the story of the girl next door, the girl overlooked until the guy finally got his act together.  They then ask where have you been.  Girl always says, in your back yard, you just didn't see me.  Often that's because of physical appearance, or false expectations.  So to men and women, your soul mate is often that best friend of yours that you friend zoned.

So I watch SECRET PRINCES on TLC, I find it humorous because they are looking for a soul mate, and in all the wrong places. Most of the time they are in a bar, club, rodeo looking for someone to take back to Europe.  One of the guys was talking about wanting the perfect tall blonde top model looking girl, that still will love him based on his personality and overall charms.  I'm thinking in my head those usually are two separate girls.  One who would have to be unhealthy enough to look like Barbie, which some girls do naturally, which usually does not work out for them.  Then their is the girl that all the guys look over, who isn't in the trashy facilities they are looking who would love them for who they are. It is so humorous to just watch those men completely contradict themselves for an hour each week.

So where do I think people should meet?  It depends on what you like. If your a sports fanatic, play sports, go to sports events especially co ed neighborhood sports. Volunteer for little league, by spending time doing what you love you will build yourself up and probably will end up finding someone along the way.  If your intellectual libraries are the best place, or a book store. If it's a place you love, why not be with someone that loves that place as well.  Be brave make connections.  Even if it starts as a friendship, that at least means it's not a hookup. For musicians, go to concerts, collaborate projects with those you meet that are musicians, make excuses to spend time together. Pretty much find what you love and makes your soul happy and do it!

Not saying that opposites are not going to attract, but often they don't stick together.  The majority of couples that last are good friends, and have common interests and activities that they do together.  It's good to have different personality traits and points of views, but a couple of common interests work wonder.  Make a list of what you would like in a spouse, things you would like to do together then start doing those things with potentials.  Use your common interests in bonding with dates, not only will you have so much fun but you will start to see what works, and what doesn't.

So in conclusion three things
1. Be the type of person that you would want to end up with.
2. Throw yourself into what you love, and you will find love.
3. Go to the right places,and know that something worth having takes time and effort.

I guess a fourth thing have fun, and learn about yourself.  If you can't find what makes you happy alone, being in a relationship isn't going to fix that.  It will cause issues in later years. So find you and you will find them on the way. Often there that friend that helped you the whole time. Often timing is everything.

With Love, Bekah